Archive for August, 2013


Miracles

Miracles.

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The sky is pale blue today and the August breeze swirls around my legs in its coolness.  The flowers wave to and fro as they work to catch every moment of sunshine they can before the days grow shorter and fall arrives.  Leaves will create a mosaic of colors that puddle and skip across the lawn. 

 

It is so serene outside, despite the noise of summer travelers from the road, that sitting here simply watching a hummingbird dart here and there at my flower boxes is a rare moment of serenity in my life.  I have my papers beside me, introduction to my qualitative study and chapters one and two that need reworking (again) and Hoover is content for the moment sharing my space and taking a mid morning snooze.

 

I have given up the notion that I will return to my fall schedule with any sort of Coppertone like tan, and have some mild regret to adventures not yet taken, but the peace and quiet of summertime rejuvenates not only my body, but my mind as well. I’ve had the luck of spending a fair amount of time with both of our sons this week and it is a marvel how, as they continue to evolve as men, they instinctively share the very essence of their parents.

 

They love too hard, they give of themselves just to see a smile on someone’s face, and in their own way, believe that there should be goodness and decency in all people. Perhaps there is, and when we talk of the toxic ways people live their lives, it becomes more evident to them on how they will choose to live.  They share our stubbornness and our strength in varying degrees.  They take a step back from themselves and try to understand what another person’s trials are.  They feel beaten down at times, but the perseverance that drives us, drives them as well.

 

I try hard not to be a “helicopter parent” but I warn them that it’s hard not to impulsively don my imaginary super hero cape and save them when they fall.  We’ve gone from scars on our knees, to scars on our hearts.  As parents, and adults, we carry that knowledge with us and out of love, hope to spare them if we can.

 

There are days that never seem to end, but in all reality, life is short.  The older I become, the more cognizant I am of not wasting a moment of my days in sadness and regret.  I remind myself that I can’t wish for my Mom to live forever and deny the passing of time.  I can’t retrace my steps and take the other fork in the road hoping for a better ending.  I don’t have a super hero cape and I can’t prevent heartache and setbacks – there just isn’t a band-aid big enough.

 

Like the passage of the seasons, so are our lives.  Perhaps my thoughts do wander today but sometimes out of nowhere I have the most amazing revelations about my own life, and of those I love.  I am in awe at the miracle of life; when I study an intricate flower, or listen to our sons.  Laughter and love are more powerful than anything a pharmacy can prescribe.  Obtaining another degree most likely won’t make me happier and there will always be days of rain, and troubled people who wish to rob us of our own joy.  What is important, however, is to savor all the goodness of our days and allow those moments to be our buffer when the storms roll in.  Be true to yourself, believe that the sun will shine again, and continue to be amazed and humbled at the gift we have been given of each new day.  Enjoy today.

Well, it’s August 1st, which is what I laughingly refer to as National Day of Mourning for Teachers J.  I decided at around 5:30 when Hoover woke me up that I should begin this day with resolve and accomplish something…. productive that is.  In two hours time, I have managed to order the rest of my classroom supplies, locate enough pencil boxes for my entire class, and cashed in at Goodwill on eraser tops for pencils.  Erasers are more valuable than your Mom’s best snack if you don’t have one in 3rd grade so I made sure to stock up.

 

I realized that, while living in vacation bliss, I hadn’t noticed a tree here and there beginning to turn.  I love fall, but when that first red leaf appears, teachers know that our days of sleeping past 5:00 a.m. are numbered, lazy lunches on the beach will become more sparse, fair signs will be popping up everywhere and people begin the shift towards a lessoning of daylight hours, and more to do on our list of “to do” before the last leaf drops.

 

I popped into school yesterday and the floors are waxed to a mirror finish, the walls have been washed and the rugs shampooed (thank goodness!).  I had my first dream of school last night as well; children were piling in on the first day, and my class from last year stopped to hug me along the hallway and went directly to my room.  I tried to tell them that they were now big 4th graders but somehow, they didn’t listen and I really didn’t mind……….I miss them.  Teaching 3rd grade is so different from my former years as a 6th and 7th grade teacher.  I have loved each person that has been my student and I hope to follow some of them through their college careers as a cheerleader of sorts.  Third graders, however, brought out in me a new form of love as I came to understand them so well; their challenges and their sweetness.  There were days when I know I sounded like the “Teacher From the Black Lagoon” but underneath it all, I had a big soft spot in my heart for them.

 

I ran into one of my new students just last week in the grocery store, and the one thing he had told his Mom was that I was going to be the BEST teacher EVER…. not because I study most of the time mind you, but because I (occasionally) have been known to randomly toss candy around the room.  I heard this same comment again this week from another teacher who had seen one of my incoming students…and I was a little embarrassed but deep down I was laughing.  You see, I’m the sort of teacher who loves to have fun, who loves to surprise students with the unexpected and all the while I stand up front, or wander the room in my Viva Los Vegas style ways am secretly teaching them.  By the time I am finished, they will become storytellers, and budding writers.  They will learn that it’s okay to make mistakes, that it’s fine to use your fingers sometimes, and see a bit bigger picture of their world. They won’t like some of what I dish out, but will love other challenges I put upon them.  Rigor is a big word in education….”We must provide a rigorous education for our students” found in too many articles and publications.  I believe that rigor needs to make some room for the joy of learning, the love of sharing, and for just having a good belly laugh together on the hard days.

 

I’ll be ready by the end of the month and so another adventure will begin. Until then, I plan on squeezing in just a bit more #lazy#beachdays#loving life and sleeping late!

 

 

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